Today was supposed to be my five mile run. I had a busy morning and afternoon, going to a bridal shower.
I left for running too late - 4 pm - and too worried - Kieran hadn't eaten since 2 pm, hadn't slept since 10 am, and hadn't pooped since Wednesday...I knew it would take AT LEAST 75 minutes for me to complete the run and all hell could break lose at home...Paul insisted that I just go, and instead of being grateful, I was frustrated...
So...
I got outside with Salsa and I was FREEZING! It was raining and the wind was whipping...I decided to tough it out...I would warm up as I went, right? WRONG!
I made it about 0.8 miles out...I got to the lake front and it was just too cold and my mind wasn't working...so I turned around...
I came home, dropped off the dog, and attempted to finish my run on the treadmill. I had 3.5 miles to go.
After 1.5, I just couldn't mentally handle it. My stomach was in knots (probably due to my bad mood and the fact that I hadn't had nearly enough water for the day!)
I felt SO terrible about it.
I came upstairs with an actual tear in my eye. I HATED that I couldn't finish my run. This had never happened before...mainly because I'm usually too damn stubborn to stop. I was so frustrated that my body just hasn't healed, that I'm still sore, way out of shape, and mentally wiped...on top of that, my 3 1/2 year hamstring injury has been driving me crazy!!
I calmed down while feeding Kieran. Good ol' oxytocin. What would I do without you?
Anyway, I am working on reframing my experience today.
I am blessed to have given birth to a child, even if I'm still recovering.
Blessed that he is healthy, even if he doesn't poop enough.
Blessed to be walking, even if it takes forever.
Blessed that I can attempt to jog, even if it hurts sometimes.
And blessed that I can write about it to all of you and vent! :)
So that was my day. Enough said.
Love you all! I'm going to bed!
Daylight savings!
Hang in there Elizabeth - You are a fighter and you will heal and there is always tomorrow. And so you walk a few miles!!! You already got two Aunts trying more than they ever did before to get into a healthy lifestyle!!! You completed 3 miles under stressful conditions (I'm sure running in the wind counts for double mileage!!!). Remember "it is all about the climb" and you climbed very well today. I love that song, "The Climb" do you know it???? God Bless. Love, Mia
ReplyDeleteEliz, You are also terrific - anddoing a good job - don't be so hard on yourself. As for your reframing - what a wonderful thing - you don't need the "even ifs" Because of you guys I'm grting back on track!! L&K, Nana
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